Last night was rough. Finn was pretty content all day yesterday, but got really fussy and cranky last night. I think we were up with him until around 2 a.m. Nothing seemed to soothe him.
***
Yesterday his umbilical cord stump finally fell off, and his belly button worries me. It sticks way out. I've never seen an outie that stuck quite so far out. I don't know what to think.
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I ventured out this morning to take Daisy and Annabelle to dance class. I feel like I've been in seclusion since he was born, and for some reason, venturing out makes me feel a little anxious. I took Finn with us too, and everything was fine. I took a good look at the little girl in the class that Michael had pointed out to me as having Ds - he thinks - and I think he's right. She's really a beautiful little girl, and you can just see it subtly around her eyes. She's also the biggest girl in the class, so I figure she might be a year or two older than the rest of the girls. If she does indeed have Down syndrome, she honestly seems just like all the other girls in the class, functionally speaking. She follows directions as well as the other girls, she talks, she comprehends. I was transfixed by her throughout the entire class. I want to ask her parents, "How have you coped? Were you devastated? How are things now? How is she?" I wanted to say to them, "My baby has Down syndrome. Tell me how to do this." But you just don't do that, approach a stranger and ask presumptuous questions like that. Although I'm 98% sure this little girl has Ds, I suppose I could be wrong. So the questions remain unasked.
***
All of us, Michael, I and the kids, headed out together this afternoon. It was the first time all 8 of us have gone anywhere together, and the first time the Expedition has been filled to capacity. We went to Babies R Us to pick out a new stroller. I can't seem to make decisions like this by myself lately, so it took all of us going there to decide on a Sit 'n Stand that will accomodate both Finnian (with or without his carseat) and Lilah.
When we got home, he felt warm to me when I took him out of his carseat. Right away I felt this pit in my stomach and I thought "Fever!" I took his temp with 2 different thermometers (both showed a normal temp), and I was shaking. I hate it that I worry so much over him. I'm so afraid of something else happening . . . something that will land him back in the hospital. He's so tiny, he reminds me of a little baby bird, and I tend to think of him as fragile and I hate that I do that. He's not sick. He's healthy, he's just been through an awful lot in his short little life so far. When will I stop all this worrying?
Adieu
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After more than two years and 555 posts (556 counting this one!), I'm
saying goodbye to Adventures in Motherhood. I'm ready for a change, and
I've started ...
13 years ago
6 comments:
hi lisa...amazed u are already out & about. so glad finnian is nursing so well. as 4 his belly button, finnian may have an umbilical hernia. my niece who is about the same age as lilah had one & it corrected itself by the time she was one...the dr told her it was nothing to worry about & said there was no need 2 take any corrective medical action (i.e. surgery)...of course my inlaws wanted her to tape a coin over it to fix it :o). I would of course ask your pediatrician. again so thrilled u guys r getting back into a routine...don't forget 2 squeeze in some time for yourself & for you & michael. saku.
My Zack had an umbilical hernia also. Very common in baby boys. He had corrective surgery that took all of 15 minutes and now you can't even see a scare. Coming out of anesethia was the worst part. They came most likely fix is when he has his testes surgery!!
Glad to hear things are looking brighter!! Big Hugs Sweets!!
~Heidi
Glad to hear that you got to do the family trip to Babies R Us, I always thought of it as the most normal thing we could do, and that is a great thing (as annoying as it sometimes is to drag all the kids in ;) ). Hope those good days keep on coming!!!!
Hi Lisa. Ellie had an umbilical hernia and it healed on it's own by 6 months. It sounds like things are going well...you've been thorugh a lot the past 3 weeks, so the elevated level of worry is natural I would think. Can't wait to meet and hold Finn:-)
Jen
Quote from Lisa:
"When will I stop all this worrying?"
Never! Ever. Do we ever stop worrying about out kids? I don't. I sleep better knowing he’s warm, has food, is content, etc. He’s 22! My Dad still baby's me as if I'm 12. Part of me doesn’t mind this. It’s so nice knowing our parents care.
I once read how a den mother sleeps best when her cubs are near. I think it’s so true.
My son is here with me for month for the first time in four years. I find myself babying him to death while trying to treat him like an adult. It’s like I’m holding on loosely while not letting go. I’m doing things for him that I haven’t had to do in a long time and frankly didn’t miss (cooking; his laundry, grocery shopping, etc.) I think the kid actually likes it! It’s amazing how quickly I've fallen back into motherhood as if he were five again. I’m totally fine with it.
In 19 days, he will venture abroad for six months and I won’t have the comfort of him being home or in the next state. Trust me, I will be worrying. A LOT. But I digress….
If I feel this way about my baby, I imagine your worrying over Finn is one hundred fold. So, my response is no. We. Never. Stop. Worrying. Why would we want to do a silly thing like that!? Try to give yourself a break and just let yourself go through this very difficult process of adjustment.
Change is never easy. Having to adjust to something that never crossed your mind, but is now reality while having to instantly say goodbye to the old way of life forever might seem impossible, but one never knows how much good can come from such a situation.
Letting go of what how you thought things would be is something that will come in time.
I think part of the worry is a totally normal reaction to the experience you had with the doctor not wanting to release Finn from the hospital. My nephew was a preemie and his mom said it took a couple of years before a fever didn't cause her to flashback to the NICU in a panic.
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