Joyce, Sarah's mom, left a comment on my post yesterday about the incident with Kevin's friend making a "retard" joke and how Kevin reacted to it. In her comment she suggested a book available through siblingsupport.org. I didn't want her comment to get lost in the shuffle since I'm sure it could be helpful to so many of us, so check out the site she mentions. I went ahead and ordered four books ('cause one is never enough . . .):
The Sibling Slam Book
Special Siblings: Growing Up With Someone With a Disability
Living With A Brother or Sister With Special Needs
Views From Our Shoes: Growing Up With a Brother or Sister With Special Needs
And a heartfelt Thank You to Joyce, who, as always, knows just the right thing to say.
I am only now beginning to fathom the impact Finn's diagnosis will have on his siblings. It's all been pretty abstract up until now, but the incident with Kevin and his friend this past weekend, although really a fairly trivial thing that lasted a matter of seconds in the course of a day, makes it all seem very real . . . that Kevin has his own feelings about it all, and he may not even understand his own feelings or how he should react and respond to the world at large with respect to his brother's condition. The burden aspect of it hurts my heart. I wholeheartedly believe that Finn, and his diagnosis, will enrich the lives of his brothers and sisters in the long run, but they will all have to deal with painful situations and feelings in the years to come. As their mother, I wish more than anything that I could protect every single one of them from it all.
Adieu
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After more than two years and 555 posts (556 counting this one!), I'm
saying goodbye to Adventures in Motherhood. I'm ready for a change, and
I've started ...
13 years ago
7 comments:
Good resources from a good friend
Thanks for posting this...my son is 8 and my stepdaughter is 5...we are probably going to deal with this at some point as Emily gets older. Your son is too cute...I can't wait to watch him grow.
You continue to amaze me, Lisa. You have a depth of strength and breadth of love and will that astounds me. Since Finn's birth you have again and again faced things that you never even considered before and yet you always step up to the plate. You are a great gift to your children because of these qualities. I am honored to be your friend and witness how Finn's diagnosis changed your life and how you meet each new obstacle every day. Kevin, and each of your children, are lucky to have you as they each carry a little bit of what you think may be a burden, and may feel like a burden at times, but is actually nothing more than the love and protection of another sibling. Hugs.
I second that Joyce's comment was a great one. I made sure to bookmark the Slam Book for future reference.
Lisa, I thought about something else this morning... My sister is adopted and she is African-American, Hispanic, and White. So, as you can imagine, she doesn't look like the rest of the family. As her older sister, I remember having to answer lots of odd, probing, and sometimes rude questions about the how and why my family tree was do diverse. She was also born in 1980 and believe me the world has come along way in almost thirty years. I remember being in the position to handle racial comments or jokes that people would say in front of me. Typically it had nothing to do with my sister, but was just wrong and as her sister it was my "job" to stick up for her. It was just part of life. My sister came into our lives when she was 3 weeks old and I was 9. I definitely have a different perspective because God gave me the sister that I have.
I still am amazed at how people feel free to make ignorant comments. I was not really aware of the racial comments until my sister was born... just as I wasn't as aware of the r-word until my daughter was born. Sorry for the ramble, Because we are mothers, our heart break because of the ignorant world that we live in. Sigh, I wish I had a great answer... just a rambling analogy that your children will truly be enlightened by Finn, and so will the people who have the blessing to be on their life journeys.
All of your children, including Finn, will lead a richer, more profound and thoughtful life full of integrity as a result of your parenting and for having the gift of their brother Finn. And that is what life is truly about.
I think especially because Rainer is so young and younger than G this is all still EXTREMELY abstract for me. I have some reading to do. Thanks!
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