Thursday, April 9, 2009

Damn!

I had to take Lilah to the pedi this morning (can a single week go by without some kind of doctor's appointment for someone in my house?!), and as we were waiting for the elevator on our way out, a woman came up behind me with a baby in a stroller, and she was cooing and chattering away to the baby. I look over and sure as shit, the baby has Ds. And I just stood there, wanting so much to say something, and not knowing what to say. I mean, really, someone please tell me what is the appropriate way to approach these situations? I thought that after my encounter last week with the family at Joey's Open House that I would feel emboldened about approaching parents with kids who have Ds, but I still feel really unsure of myself. I have this almost overpowering urge to connect with them, but nothing comes out of my mouth, and I end up standing there, gawking like a fool. I guess I'm still afraid of that 1% chance that I'm wrong in my assumption that their child has Ds, and then completely offending someone.

So the opportunity was lost; we got on separate elevators and that was the end of that. Afterwards I was thinking what I could have done was say to her, "Oh, looks like we're in the same club!" And then theatrically turn Finn around so she can see his face and then just know, you know? That way I'm not taking the chance of wrongly assuming her child has Ds - by referring to a "club," I could just mean that we're both moms.

Do I sound desperate? Or just psychotic?

9 comments:

Tausha said...

How interesting that you keep running into children with Ds. I have the same problem, I don't know what to say. I too want to connect to them and I immediately feel a bond but I freeze and don't know what to say. Then I think that I would want someone to say something to me if I was standing there with Sam and they also had a child with Ds, I would want them to come and say hey, we have a child with Ds as well with a huge smile. But your right, there are a few times I have seen kids and am not 100% positive. I was at an Adoption event back in November and I saw a little boy who looked like he had downs and a few other things as well so I got bold and went up and asked said hi to his Mom and said you have a sweet little boy, does he have Ds? She said No and I was mortified!!!! She did proceed to say he was a victim of shaken baby syndrome and for some reason he had some of the same characteristics of kids with Ds, she was really sweet and nice to me about it and we talked for about a 1/2 hour, come to find out her daughter goes to school with my daughter. Anyway, I am hoping to read what others post about how to approach someone and how to not offend them etc.

starrlife said...

Usually I say "what a beautiful baby"! If they pick up a thread than I chat, if not I leave it.

Wendy P said...

Well, if Kira is with me than I do say, "I think our kids have something in common." It's when she's not with me that I don't know what to say.

sheree said...

Well, I am kind of the opposite in that I have diarrhea of the mouth when I see someone out and about with a child with Ds. lol

However, I am also really really scared I might accidentally assume a child has Ds when they do not. This happened at costco a few weeks ago. I was admiring this little girl and I was about 95% sure she had Ds but I couldn't bring myself to say anything for fear that she might not.

I think you'll get there eventually!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

If Kennedy is with me, I just go up and say, "I see you have a little angel too!" And then we start gabbing away. It's awesome.

Tricia said...

You're definitely psychotic. Just like me. ;)

rebecca said...

We all have these moments. Sometimes I stifle my excitement just to avoid the appearance I am a nut job, most of the time I don't and just run my mouth while ooooohhh and ahhhhhing over the baby. :)

Nicole O'Dell said...

Oh that's a tough one. I guess just imagine how you would feel--would you appreciate the contact or would you be put off by the assumption? And then act according to how you would feel. KWIM? I'm sure that mom has been through the same emotional process as you have.

Tara Marie said...

lol.....I think you found the perfect intro [welcome to the club] because it could mean a long list of things, from T21, to being a Mom, to having a son.......

I still am a T21 'stalker'.....if I spot a person with T21, I so want to meet them and those whom they are with.

Well, if that sweet-heart was at a local doctors, I do think you might get the chance again to say 'hello and welcome'.

Just don't be like me and spend much longer in the grocery store than you needed to be because you were trying to find the right moment to say 'welcome'....lol!!!

Hugs to you, I've missed your blog for a little bit as life has gotten very busy here and I've have not had the time to blog surf.