There's nothing more discouraging than thinking your kid is doing just fabulously and then watching him be evaluated and realizing that he's . . . not. I mean, he's doing okay, you know? But Ds superstar, he ain't. I know that the older he gets, the more discrepancy there will be in his actual abilities as compared to "typical" kids. And what is up with that anyway? Why do they have to use regular kids as the yardstick? Why can't they use kids with Ds as the yardstick in evaluating kids with Ds for crying out loud? Anyway, when he had his eval 6 months ago, he was close to being on track for nearly everything. Now that he's older, he's falling behind more.
Why do I even care? He's the same baby now as he was before she did her silly eval this morning.
It's funny, because for a little while now I've secretly thought to myself "He kind of reminds me more of an 8 - 10 month old than a 12 - 13 month old." And sure enough, she said today that for gross motor, he's at about an 8-month old level. I don't know about the other areas - she said she has to go over some things before she is able to compute his ability level in other areas and write up her report.
I guess in a way I should be happy. I mean, this means there is no question about his qualifying for services. But honestly, there is a part of me that gets more and more tired of services all the time and I seriously consider just chucking it all sometimes. Disability is natural, you know? It's a normal variation of life. Yes, I want to help Finn be the best he can be, but sometimes I wonder about all this therapy, I really do.
Tomorrow he has OT bright and early in the morning (which I'm really inclined at this point, thus far anyway, to think is mostly a useless waste of time), and then his service coordinator is coming over for our IFSP meeting. I have no idea what to do to prep for that. I have nothing prepared. I'm not sure what to request, what goals to set, etc. And part of me doesn't care. Finn is what he is. He'll be what he's going to be. All these attempts to mold him, I'm just really starting to wonder about it all.