Friday, July 25, 2008

A better day?

So far the day is shaping up to go more smoothly than yesterday did. Finnian is actually sleeping peacefully in his bouncy seat and I've managed to get a few things done this morning and haven't yelled at the kids yet ;)

So . . . about accepting help. Of course I feel bad now that my venting yesterday brought a slew of new offers to help out. The truth is, we really are getting lots of help - more than I would ever feel comfortable accepting under normal circumstances (and even under the present circumstances, it's hard for me to accept). Meals are still being brought to our house. Friends are taking the boys places. And we have the part-time nanny. All of these things have been a tremendous help. But even so, this has still been, and will continue to be for some time to come, I'm sure, a time of major adjustment. And with that will come ups and downs, and I will feel compelled to vent. I just don't want anyone to think that it's a ploy to get more offers of help. Everyone has done so much already.

And yes, it is very difficult for me to accept help in any shape or form. It's not because I have this need to be superwoman - believe me, I fall far short of that every moment of every day. I've just been looking after myself since I was a kid, and I have this aversion to feeling indebted to anyone - especially when I know I can't repay the debt. I mean, seriously - there is just no way I can foresee ever being in a position to take YOUR kids off your hands. And when the checks and balances don't balance out, I lose sleep over it. Yep, I'm neurotic - but a lot of you already knew that.

Anyway, this is becoming way too much about me, and it's supposed to be about baby Finnian.

So today is shaping up to be a better day. Stay tuned.


Lisa B said...

Please continue to vent - this is what this place if for! And though it may end up people throw open their doors in response to welcome in your kids for a few hours, don't feel like you are imposing - n one does anything they don't want to do and I personally LOVE to be with your kids - they are sweet and fun and my kids love them too! And never in a million years would I think that you would ever need to "repay the debt" - friends help friends in a multitude of ways and though you may not take my kids off my hands ever for one minute, you are a good friend who listens well and that is a gift to me. Glad it was a good day. Lisa B

Carla said...

Slack slack slack...that is what you need to cut yourself. I don't know lisa b, but I wholeheartedly agree with her comment about "friends help friends in a multitude of ways...". I have lost count of the number of times you have lifted my spirits, provided a shoulder, made me laugh, and the list goes on...and all of it from afar! I look back with great fondness at the last time we were together...both of our families at the park followed by that yummy dinner. I'm glad that today got off to a better start for you and I look forward to hearing how it ended!