Thursday, July 24, 2008

This is so hard

Way harder than I thought it was going to be. When Lilah was born, we used to tell people that after having 4, what was one more? Her arrival didn't really shake things up too much, and I felt really good about that. But with Finn, it's a whole different story. I really can't say if it's because the sixth one has put me over the edge, or if it's because of what we've already gone through with him, or if it's because he's turned into such a cranky little guy. All I know is that I'm having a really hard time. He cries all the time. If I'm not holding him, he's crying. He hates the swing. He hates the vibrating bouncy seat (sometimes I can get away with sneaking him into it if he's already asleep). He hates the bassinet. He just wants to be held all the time. Can't really say I blame him, but it's really difficult to hold him all the time, even with a sling. It's not only him. The other kids are totally acting out, or so it appears to me. Maybe they're just being typical for their ages, but from my perspective it seems like the bickering and tantrums and defiance towards me and the whining and demanding have all reached a new level. My nerves are completely shot. It's 3:30 pm now and I am just now sitting down to wolf down a quick sandwhich (and I hear Finn crying in our room, so I have to be quick). I keep telling myself that if I don't eat, I can't make milk for him, but sitting down to eat is next to impossible lately.

Somebody please remind me why I thought having another baby seemed like such a great idea! I asked for this, right?


Anonymous said...

I don't know how you handle 5 kids and a baby. I only have two, a 3 year old and my baby turned 1 yesterday. It is all I can do most days to get a shower. How I have kept a milk supply all these years is beyond me. You'll get thru this. I myself had to turn to medical intervention, so don't be afraid to take something. It truly is the best decision I made. I know you must be laughing at me with only 2 kids!!! It will get better.

Kim said...

Oh Lisa.....I feel for you! I think the first month or two with a newborn is a tough adjustment period.....if it's your first or sixth!!! On top of that you have your other children home for the summer and are trying to please them. You are also still trying to deal with and absorb all that is going on with Finn. I know I've told you before....take one day at a time and yes, do whatever it takes to make a little time for you! You have to eat and it won't hurt Finn to cry a little and I know you already know that! I wish I lived closer and we knew eachother IRL and I could help out with your other children a little. I am sure your friends or neighbors would be happy to do that for you. If they offer....don't hesitate....just scream "yes!". Ha Ha! I hope your sandwich was good.

Carla said...

Aw, Lisa. This isn't just a sixth baby, it is Finn, and his little life has been a roller coaster in 2+ short weeks. Not to mention you never got your baby moon and the other kids are home from school for the summer, and on top of all that you are worried about the future. Of course it is hard and of course you're tired. Have you considered stocking up on pre-made, either frozen or freeze-dried, meals. Also, what about trying to shift some responsibilities with Michael. Can he commit to always taking over breakfast for a while...even if it means putting out bowls, utensils, fruit, etc. before he leaves for work if the kids are still asleep then? Can you have someone come in for a few hours so you can do nothing except sling Finn and make a whole bunch of stuff to put in the freezer? Man, if I were nearer and not pregnant myself, I would so put together a huge freezer stash of food for you. Thinking of you.

Cindy said...

It really sounds like a combination of things. I pray things ease up on you soon. Hang in there.

Jodi said...

Last semester I had a student in my class who brought an interesting perspective to our discussions. She said she wanted to have her children in India (where her parents are from, but she's only visited) because of the support the community of women give to new mothers. She told us about the tradition of painting a new mother's feet with henna for the first 40 days after birth. The mother is expected to do no housework, cleaning, cooking, work, or even caring for the older children. The women of the community take on these responsibilities so the baby and mother can recover and bond. I did some research and this type of this support is fairly common in a number of non-Western societies. What a different approach from this country!

No one's expecting you to "do it all" and I know there's a pretty long list of people who would love to help you. I know it's hard to ask for help, but do know that we're here - either to listen and support you on this blog or - for those of us close by in real life -
come over and help with something.

Crystal said...

Keep up the breastfeeding!!! This was the recommendation my neighbor gave me and her daughter has Downs. She said that it is ESSENTIAL to stimulate the mouth muscles because without it many children with DS do not ever speak.

However, because many children with DS have low muscle tone they often need supplementing with a bottle after breastfeeding. I know you are committed to BFing Finn, but I just want you to know how much it will help him especially, far beyond just the antibodies, etc.

As for caring for all of your brood AND having a newborn, none of us know how you do it Lisa. Remember that you are legally DISABLED for six weeks postpartum. If you worked, you would be given a leave of absence and be sent home. Being a SAHM means that there are no days off so give yourself a break. You are not expected to "bounce back" for six weeks (or years really, given newborns wake you up all night).

Everyone in MOMS Club wants to help; please let us. :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, it's 2:30am so I've only a few mintues but in reading your entry, other than wanting to give you a HUGE hug was I wanted to mention the Amby Hammock ~ or a baby hammock, I wonder if that would help? They move & sway to the baby's motion and they "hold them" so it might give him what he needs, and give you some more time to care for yourself and the other kids.

Anyhow. More later my friend.


Momto4 said...

*Big Hugs* Sweetie ~ The first 6 weeks were always the hardest for me! Hang In There Momma :o) You are Doing Great!!!


Boysmom said...

Have you heard of a wrap? I had a Moby Wrap for my youngest, which was awesome. It's so much more comfortable than a sling. There are also Mei Tais, which are easier to use, but not as comfy. Mobys are stretchy wraps, but woven wraps can be used to put your baby on your back (even a newborwn with the high back carry.) I'll post you a link if you want to check them out. I feel for you, it's hard to have a baby who needs constant holding, I've had one or two myself.