Saturday, July 12, 2008

DAY 6: JULY 12, 2008

Some days seem to be harder than others. Finn is doing well overall, but Mommy not so good. Everything is just catching up with me. I went to see him this afternoon and spent almost the whole time crying. It's just so difficult to see him there hooked up to everything when all I want is for him to be home with me. When I hold him, he is calm and peaceful, but I can't hold him for long because he needs to be under the bili lights, and that makes him unhappy. He gets agitated . . . doesn't really cry a whole lot, but fusses and flails his arms and legs. It breaks my heart, I feel so helpless.

He sucks away on his paci too, and the nurse on duty last night told us it's because he's hungry. He's getting nutrition via IV but she said his tummy still feels empty and he's looking for food. I wish she hadn't told me that. All I want to do is nurse him, and I can't.

Here's all the stuff he's hooked up to:

So the plan for feeding him is this: they won't give him anything by mouth for at least a week after his surgery, which puts us at Tuesday at the soonest. His tummy is being drained around the clock (that's the tube going into his nose) - bile, blood, etc. That fluid has to be clear before they'll attempt his first feed by mouth. His first few feeds will be clear fluid, like Pedialyte, and if he tolerates that, they'll start with a couple cc's of colostrum and increase from there as he tolerates. I, of course, want to get him on the breast as soon as possible . . . I'm so worried that our nursing relationship is already in the toilet - but apparently it's very important that his first few days of feeding by mouth be carefully measured, so he'll likely be fed with a syringe to start.
Anyhow, here's my stash of pumped milk in the freezer at home - not bad. Really, it's only part of the stash, as the NICU has quite a bit of my milk in their freezer as well.

Michael took the twins to see their baby brother in the hospital today. It went really well, although it was a short visit since they got antsy pretty quickly. It's all they could talk about when they got home, seeing baby "Finny."
A big banker's box was delivered to our house today. It was from Michael's firm, addressed to the kids. It was choc full of arts and craft stuff for them. I continue to be in awe of everyone's kindness and generosity towards us.


T-rex said...

Poor baby. hooked up to all those monitors! And poor mommy, it's always harder on you than them in situations like this :( But YAY for progress, and that IMPRESSIVE milk stash. Watching his CCs closely is indeed really important after a gastric surgery, but I would be raring to nurse as well, for the closeness AND the feeding benefit. You both are such troopers.

That is SO SWEET Michael's firm of tightass, stuffy conservative lawyers did something so thoughtful ;) Really, that was super nice of them and helpful during the summer months when keeping the kids busy becomes a longer venture. The worst situations can often show us the best in the people around us as well as ourselves, and I hope that sticks with you longer than the stress and pain. You and your family are VERY loved and thought after, and hopefully that is enough to tide you over through the tough, emotional days you're experiencing.

If only we could Fed-ex hugs to you!

Angie said...

It heartbreaking to see so many machines hooked up to Finn. But on the other hand they are saving his life. What a difficult time Lisa, your milk stash is amazing and in no time at all Finn will be suckling away I'm sure. (((HUGS)))

Thinking of you

Momto4 said...

*Huge Hugs* Lisa ~ Finn is such a handsome little man. *YeaH* for Poops :o) Katie spent 31 days in the NICU so all those machines bring back the instant smell and anxiety of those long days spent at the hospital. It is a tough journey but he will be at home with you soon *Hugs* Try to take care of yourself & rest when you can Sweetie!! My Heart and Thoughts are with You and Sweet Baby Finn!!!!

Janet said...

Hi Lisa
I finally had the chance to catch up from Thursday on little Finnian- my heart goes out to you and your family and again I say that he is such a beautiful baby-I just love him!! You are the best mom that could ever be for Finn, and knowing a few DS kids and adults, they are wonderful and successful people and he will do wonderfully!

Nicole O'Dell said...

I just wanted you to know that I'm following your blog. I really appreciate being able to read the detailed updates about you all. You're so honest about how you feel and I think that's so healthy.

Finn is simply gorgeous!

Please try to take care of yourself. Take a nap, something.

Nicole (

Laura said...

Hugs from the great white north!! Please take care of you... The more rest, the more milk... It will make a difference when Finn is ready and able...

Love the blog!!! ~L