Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A Discussion

Rickismom posted this comment on my post from yesterday:

Cool about your friend.

But... don't get me wrong. We moms of kids with DS tend to look in awe at
those who adopt.

Look in awe at yourselves, ladies! You took on a challenge you probably
didn't ask for... that's also cool.

Very good point.

I started thinking about it today, though, even before Rickismom posted this comment: I wonder how raising a child with DS who is biologically yours differs from raising a child with DS whom you have adopted.

I can't imagine an instance in which a mom who conceives and carries a baby specifically sets out to try to have a baby with DS. So, whether she finds out prenatally that her baby has DS or after her baby is born, there is usually some degree of shock and a grieving process, and a coming to terms process.

I would imagine that when someone specifically sets out to adopt a child with DS, these dynamics are absent. There is no shock. There is no mourning the child she thought she was going to have.

How does that affect how an adopted child with DS is raised? Because there is acceptance of - and even a desire for - the diagnosis from the very beginning, how does that affect the parents' expectations for the child as the child grows up? How do these different dynamics impact the bonding between parents and child? I wonder if there is a difference in general outcomes . . . like, if you compared two adults with DS who are the same age and were raised in the same time period, but one of them was raised by his/her biological family, and the other was raised by an adoptive family . . . would there be differences that would be a direct result of whether they were raised by bio or adoptive parents?

Just stuff I'm wondering about.

1 comment:

Tricia said...

Interesting stuff. One thing it reminds me of is this family on the Birth to 18 months video (for parents of kids with DS...I have it if you want to borrow it). Anyhoo. In it there is a couple who was going to adopt and they checked off that it would be ok to adopt a child with DS, then they HAD a child who was born with DS...I wonder how it is for them.