Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sex

I sometimes wonder if Finn will have a sex life as an adult. Is that weird that I think about that? I don't know. I don't think about it so much concerning my other kids - I guess I just assume that they will have normal, active, healthy (hopefully) sex lives some day with (hopefully) people they care about. But it's not a given with Finn, like so many other things. I have no idea what the statistics are, and frankly, I prefer not to google it at this point, because I'm a little afraid of what I might find. I know that some adults with Ds marry. I assume that the majority do not, however. It's not so much about marriage, though. I guess I just hope that Finn gets to experience the full range of what life has to offer - including a sexual relationship with a consenting peer.

And then I think: there I go again, projecting onto him and his life what I perceive to be a normal and fulfilling life. I suppose it's entirely possible for people with Ds to go through their entire lives without ever being involved in a romantic or sexual relationship.

I'm curious about what you other parents think regarding this topic. Do you think about this concerning your own child with Ds? Do you hope they DO or DO NOT have a sex life as an adult?

I think too much, I think.

6 comments:

Jen said...

Oh god, I think about this all the time. It was one of the first things I thought about when we got the diagnosis. You know, not driving a car, not getting married, not having sex. Not that any of that is necessarily true, but who knows?

I don't know if I want him to or not. I guess it would depend on the situation. I just read an article somewhere about some crazy lady who is looking for a prostitute for her son. I can't remember if the son has DS or just some other sort of intellectual disability, but sheesh. So sad. I won't ever go to that extreme.

I guess I want for him what I want for his brothers...a happy, fulfilling life that includes a healthy relationship (with or without sex) if that's what he wants. (with that said, I still wish all three of them will find cool wives and have many healthy babies so that I can be the kooky grandma, but that's probably not likely to happen. well, I'm sure the kooky part will, but the other? who can say?)

Karly said...

I wish I didn't think about it. Not just sex, but the whole deal...getting her period and dealing with that appropriately, how to make sure no one takes advantage of her, the sadness over knowing she will never have the choice to have her own baby (or if she did, it wouldn't necessarily be happy news)...yeah, it makes my heart hurt. I trust that it will all work out somehow in the future, but it's one more aspect of this that I really wish I could change.

Maureen said...

You're not alone in your thinking at all. I so hope Kenneth will find someone to marry.

Take a look at this link:
http://www.bernadetteresha.com/weddingpohtos.htm

I hope these kinds of pictures are in the future for our boys.

Hector and Jennifer Varanini Sanchez said...

I haven't thought too much about the sex part but I definitely mourned the not having kids part which I guess would entail some sex.... I have thought about puberty and behavior, etc....I have all boys so the whole masturbation, sex stuff is inevitable but I worry a little bit about DS and possible inappropriateness? Does that make sense? I just hope that I can teach Joaquin manners in this regard, you know? A friend of mine who has a sister with DS told me that her sister went through puberty and was obsessed with sex. They had to reprimand her many times for inappropriate touching episodes so that conversation kinda scared me....

Sonia said...

OH...I really really don't want to think about it! For me, I think because I have a girl, I'm a little bit more protective about it! But, I'm that way with Katie too! You know the whole, boys are bad deal! I'll just have to drill that into Lillian too...?

Michelle said...

I've never really thought specifically about the sex part, but I have thought about the having kids/not having kids part and have been sad over the thought of not being a grandma (well now we have Lucas so it's a possibility, but this was right after Kayla was born) I thought how sad it was that I wouldn't get to "share" in her being pregnant or seeing her married etc. Now I know that people w/Ds do get married, but it still saddens me about not having kids.