Therapy, etc.

Finn had his second PT appt. for this week, as I was only recently informed that we can schedule makeup sessions when he misses a session due to illness. We're also in the process of trying to find a different time slot for his PT, as Tuesday mornings at 11:30 aren't working out so well since he's pretty much given up morning naps and by 11:30 he's tired.

So anyway, I was asking Eun this morning what sort of PT he'll receive once he's walking, and she said that once her kids are walking, she usually recommends transitioning them to a "theraputic preschool," which I assume is center-based therapy. She said they do more global therapy/stimulation then: 20 minutes of PT, 20 minutes of OT, 20 minutes of ST, all in a group setting.

And for some reason, hearing this made me just want to cry. I'm confused by my own reaction to this. I mean, didn't I just recently say, after visiting that therapy center for Finn's feeding eval, that I almost wish we could do center-based therapy? I don't know . . . I think my immediate feeling was just one of sadness that Eun won't be his therapist beyond the time he starts walking (I had understood that she would be his PT until he's 3 and transitions to the school district for early intervention services), and also that, in a way, he will be expected/pushed to "grow up" so quickly. Preschool at possibly two years old - maybe sooner? I've never wanted to send any of my kids to preschool that young. Everything is different with Finn. Well, not everything, but so many things. And sometimes it just makes me sad. Sad that we can't really just 100% enjoy him as a baby - that there is so much pressure to get him to progress and accomplish.

I still swing wildly back and forth on the whole subject of therapy anyway. Sometimes I feel like it is the only thing standing between Finn as a "high-functioning" individual and a non-functioning one. And to that end, I am frustrated with the system, frustrated with our service coordinator who is a shitty communicator and has not helped us navigate the system, and to a great degree, frustrated with myself for not being a better advocate for Finn - for not writing letters, calling meetings, making demands. I just don't have the energy right now, which really, is a pretty poor excuse. Then there are times when I feel like therapy is a waste of time. I mean, he's going to crawl when he crawls, he's going to walk when he walks, right? Even Eun said this morning that without PT, he'd still do all those things, but PT is helping him do them sooner. What's so great about sooner, anyway? I don't even know.

Anyway, PT this morning was . . . interesting. Finn showed progress just from two days ago in his efforts to crawl, and Eun said enthusiastically, "Wow, I can tell you guys have really been practicing since Tuesday!" (Ummmm, the truth? No, we haven't practiced at all.) I just smiled and nodded. The girls were running amok through the whole thing, which is typical and very frustrating. They can't stand that my focus is on something other than them for an hour, so they do whatever they can to distract me and draw attention to themselves, all the while knowing that Mommy won't go balistic on them when there's a witness.